STOP TELLING ME TO GET MARRIED

Brain: You haven't seen this person in a while... prepare for some small talk. She's coming over. Okay smile, Sawiya. Good girl. Get ready for some questions about your education, the usual. At least she's asking how your mum is doing. Aw, that's nice. She hasn't contacted your mother in years. But anyway, next she's going to ask you what you've studied and if you've graduated. Ha! I knew it. Uhh, what else - hey, don't forget to smile and nod. You're really bad at small talk, ha ha. Okay so what's left: Tell her what you're up to these days. Okay I think that should be everything. Confirm that the family is alive and well. Conversation is slowing down. Sawiya.... why are you still standing there? You've managed to get through it! Say goodbye and walk away before shit gets worse. Walk. Away.

Suddenly, I feel it coming. The dreaded question. I try to walk away but... I can't. I'm still standing there. The question is at the tip of their tongue. They're saving the best until last, aren't they? My ears begin to heat up, my left eye twitches, I can feel my smile getting heavier and more forced, my palms get sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy... The dreaded question is here already:

"So when are you going to get married then?"

I feel my gut slowly turning. I attempt to answer politely, forcing myself to just laugh and say "Not happening yet!" whilst clenching my fist. The frustration of hearing this is starting to take its toll. I never used to care, but when you realise it's the same question over and over again, you start to wonder whether people actually care about any of your other achievements. They just want to know in advance so they can attend a Somali wedding of so and so's daughter. It's been long overdue.

Personally, I find it very invasive to ask someone when they're getting married.

Uhhhh, let me just check my schedule... *picks a date* "Now I just need a man!" *canned laughter*

That's not how it works.

Secondly, this idea that marriage is the VERY NEXT THING to do after you graduate is highly unlikely. Let's be realistic, there isn't a queue of men lining up at my house, trying to ask for my hand in marriage. And I'm just... not trying to get married right now. Is that okay?

Here's a few things I do know for sure - actually no, there's only one obvious thing to know:

You get married when it's your time to get married.

Don't ask someone if a man is going to come and knock on the front door soon. And please, don't ask *why* when they tell you they're not married yet. How the fuck am I supposed to know? Is marriage something I can sort out overnight? I can't even secure a job interview these days, let alone a whole man.

Also, there isn't a huge time bomb ticking over me that explodes and kills me once I've surpassed age 24. Actually, I'll lower it to 21 cause I've been asked this bloody question since the day after I graduated from university. I should be dead by now. Expired.

Let me tell you why this question irritates me so much. A few weeks ago, I was driving around and doing some errands when I bumped into one of my mother's friends. Her son used to go to the same primary school as my brother, so she used to hang out with my mother as they waited at the school gates. Years have passed since we last saw her. She's a nice woman, quite hip, got married young and now has a football team of children and still looks good. Happy as a housewife. Awesome. She's happy that way.

We started catching up for about 10 minutes, which is fairly long when you know you have somewhere to be. But I didn't mind because I was genuinely glad to see her and she wanted to know how my life was like in Canada. The conversation was going smoothly until she asked me if I'm still living at home. "Yes... I'm at home," I said, itching the side of my neck, purposely trying to come across as bewildered and awkward at her choice of questions. Ask her where else you should be living?, my brain whispers. I try to ignore it as much as possible. My ears start to heat up again.

"You ain't got a man yet?!" She asked, with a look of concern. Yep, those were her exact words. But before I could answer this question, she quickly followed up with: "Wait, how old are you again?" This is the moment she's trying to do the math and figure out why a 24 year old is still single. Do you need a calculator with that?

Another woman recently asked my mum why her daughters are not married yet because the "girls in her family are all married with kids." What on earth is going on? Have you not got a hobby? Do you not have kids to feed? Why does my Best Before Date (banter) concern people so much?

Can we just stop asking personal questions? It's mostly the older generation. They grew up in a time when men would just knock on your door and talk to your father, rather than staying posted in the DMs. A time when a woman would learn how to cook by 10 and be married by 16. Cool story - but can we just allow young women in this day and age to live life at their own pace now? I'm talking about our mothers, our aunties, our mother's friends, our father's friends, sisters, random Somali women across the street - anyone who is older than me, basically.

I am very content in the fact that I am 24 and I'm not someone's wife yet. It's ***totally*** okay. Every single woman is living her life the way it was written for her. If she dies before she gets married, then that's the way it is, folks! Literally. Asking them why they are not married yet isn't going to bring a man any faster.

"Your time will come soon," they say, as if it's something that is making me lose sleep at night. And when I do get married, the same people will ask if I'm pregnant yet. Please, humans. Let's put an end to these useless questions and stop invading people's privacy.